Journey to Motherhood A couple of years ago during my annual exam, my gynecologist looked at my chart, smiled and said, “You have a birthday coming up. Your eggs are turning 40! Do you want to do anything with them? It’s not too late for […]
Month: August 2018
Singleness & Sex
I am a single 24-year-old virgin who is at her sexual peak. Yes ladies, my biology is calling for my mate but, God is like nahhh gurl…your Adam is asleep.
Why is it a taboo to talk about sex especially when single ladies like myself are going through the same thing? Sex is created by God and you should not feel shame because your body is biologically designed to want sex. If you’re like me and plan on abstaining from sexual activities until marriage, then I encourage you to continue reading to adapt a practical approach to navigating your sexuality while single.
First things first, I hate the term “virgin,” mainly because it’s such a technical term. It’s so easy to focus on the act of intercourse rather than other things surrounding sexual relations especially the posture of your heart. Before I get ahead of myself, lets talk about my decision to wait.
At the age of 13, I made the decision to wait for marriage before having sex. As a young girl, I was thinking I’d only have to wait till I was 20 or 21 because I was sure I would be married by then. However, as I’ve gotten older, it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the reality of my sexuality and paying more attention to protecting my mind, body and soul. Sex is literally everywhere. If you work in the world and have friends who engage in sexual activities, then you know you must go to great lengths to protect your purity.
Purity refers to the desire to glorify God by pursuing a state of holiness in your body, mind and soul. Purity triumphs virginity because it focuses on the complete package of sexuality rather than the physical state of your sexual organ. I do not intend to downplay the efforts of remaining a virgin, rather, I aim to encourage you to dig a little deeper to learn more and be honest with yourself. In understanding purity, we must lead by Paul’s advice in 1 Corinthians 6:19, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit.”
If God is calling us to remain pure in our singleness, what do we do with the God given desire to mate while we’re unmarried. Here are some practical ways to practice purity and abstain from sex:
Write your intentions: I journal a lot! Without a plan, you cannot move forward (See Habakkuk 2:2). I write down my intentions for choosing purity over my instant gratification and I read them often to remind me of my why. Once you know your “why,” you see purpose in remaining abstinent and it helps you avoid situations that would lead to sex.
Stay in the word: This may seem so simple but, the easy things are sometimes the deadliest because we may underestimate the time and commitment we need to execute the easy things. As a Christian, it’s especially crucial to use your singleness to cling to the word of God. Make time to meet with God daily (not just a “Verse of the Day”) and he will guide you during this season. Also, please be very honest to God about your sexual desires. He already knows this, and he wants you to communicate with him with transparency.
Find a community of women who are in the same season as you are: Sis, you are not alone! There are so many single women who are at their sexual peak and are choosing to wait to have sex. Pray and make an effort to commune with other single women. The struggle is me and no one else understands the struggle like another woman going through it.
Find a hobby or build your career: I keep myself very busy. I have a full-time job, I’m working on building my own company and I am a fitness fanatic. I lead a very active lifestyle because I have a LOT of energy and I need to put that energy into creating something. What interests you? How can you add value to the world? When you focus on building yourself and exploring your talents, you have less time to be idle and think about sex or put yourself in situations that will compromise your purity.
Pray and Pray some more: The journey you’re on is a long and narrow one. There will be times when the temptation will arise, and you will need the spirit of God to go with you. Understand that you have no power on your own. When it comes to sex, you must be humble and depend on God 100%. Pray daily and in every moment!
There are so many more things I could share but that’ll have to be a whole podcast! In the meantime, I encourage you to affirm your attentions and fight for sexual purity.
Written By: Deborah Harry
For a pretty decent part of my life, I have struggled with body image. It’s something that is introduced to young girls in particular far before it should be. I remember walking around elementary school comparing myself to other little girls. I remember comments from family and kids at school at my body and how hard it was to move past wanting to change myself to be accepted versus making changing because God says I’m worthy. Last summer we did a series called “They Told Me…” where different people shared the most hurtful comment they had said about them. It was a great series where people shared how God gave them freedom from believing those negative things over the truth.
I realized for myself that I have struggled (and still struggle) to make sure that the reason I honor my body through eating right and trying to work out is because I belong to God. That seems like basic simple truth but in my post, “They Told Me… I Was Fat“ I talk about how the message people get isn’t “you are loved and valued so make sure you’re healthy and honoring your body” but rather it’s the fear based messages like, “you’ll never get/keep a man looking like that” “you’re too big” “there’s no way you’re healthy” “you would be happier if you were thin.”
There’s no remedy for stopping the negative comments you hear, but there is God to offer His truth. Sara Sapora is a public figure I follow on Instagram and I LOVE HER because she is very clear about taking control of her own wellness (honoring her body eating well, working out) in addition to knowing that she won’t be worthy one day when she’s reached some number on a scale, but that she’s worthy RIGHT NOW.
Her weight loss journey is nothing like I’ve ever seen. She will put pictures up of herself when she was bigger and make the clear statement that she was beautiful then and she is now. She honors the body that she had because it helped her get to where she is now. So many people confuse her message with being someone who doesn’t care about health and that couldn’t be further from the truth. The difference between the normal messages you hear and this is that works out and eats right because she knows she worthy instead of works our and eating right to feel like you’re finally worthy.
The issue of weight is one of MANY issues that messes with how we view ourselves. You have have a postpartum body that you don’t know how to love, or stretch marks, or parts that don’t perk like they used to or something else you don’t entirely love yet. My hope for you is that as we go through this series that we will gain a better appreciation for our bodies, and the God who masterfully put them together.
This series is called, “My Body Does What?!” and we will tackle tough topics (as usual) about hard things that affect a woman’s body and body image. There are many things that we don’t talk about and here at Naked Moms Blog we want to create a safe space where women can share, ask questions and be vulnerable without fear. That’s what this series is going to be. Real women will share their stories and open up about struggles they may still fighting to overcome.
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Welcome to the “My Body Does What?!” Series
Written By: Calah Jackson