I could not have done this two-part series without my husband’s perspective. The following was written entirely by my man! I am so excited to share his experiences and what he’s learned from our relationship with you all! Enjoy! My friend Evan and I pulled […]
Month: January 2017
I am the type of person who either will be frozen-by-fear afraid to do things or balls-to-the-wall (which isn’t as crude a term as I once thought) fearless in doing things. I am the type that will either be stuck in indecisiveness or go hard in the paint and call all the shots before I even think them through. I am the type that will stop or go, and I have had to surrender both to Jesus daily in order to just do my day to day tasks.
If you follow my blogs, you will know three things about me. First, I am extremely grateful for the people who read, share, and comment on my blogs! If you have subscribed, THANK YOU and if not… then we can still be friends but you need to subscribe after you finish reading this. Thanks in advance! Second, you will know that I am a self-proclaimed dreamer “type A” personality hybrid. Thirdly, if you are anywhere in any vicinity of me or my social media pages, you will know that I had a baby almost 4 months ago! All of these things are important to know, and you will see why soon. Just track with me for a second.
This website was born from a lowly blog in 2012 that wasn’t decorated all cute with fun navigation or anything. It barely had any traffic, if any. It might as well have been my teenage diary that I kept under my hamper in my post-pubescent room riddled with B2K and Usher posters, WordUp! magazines and lip smackers cherry lip gloss. It took a lot for me to really start putting my writing out there for everyone to read, scoff at and criticize. I remember reading and re-reading my posts before I posted them (which I still do) wondering what people thought and being terrified so many times to actually say what I wanted, for fear of being judged or ridiculed. I remember specific people crossing my mind as I wrote and posted and hoping they didn’t find anything “wrong” with it. Even though I got great feedback most of the time, the possibility of not pleasing everyone subtly haunted me.
I’ve had dreams in my heart that I have been waiting for God to make a reality. I didn’t know the right protocol to chase my dreams and follow God at the same time so I just stayed stuck. Whenever I thought about my dreams I would feel a frustration boil up and then the fear followed. There were times, apart from my website, that I would stick my neck out and present someone with something that was a huge deal to me, only to be shut down when they weren’t as on board or excited as I was. Haven’t we all been there?
After having my son, some things shifted in me. I suddenly became more fearless about things that had terrified me before. I felt unshakable in areas that had, up to that point, made me shake in my boots. Wrapped in a chunky little package with bright eyes, and an amazing gummy smile, God gifted me a new level of assurance in myself by using my boy.
I started to daydream about all the things I wanted for my baby. On that long list of things were “fearlessness” and “courage”. Then I realized that being paralyzed by my fears could teach my boy to be afraid of his dreams instead of teaching him to fearlessly pursue the passions God places inside of him. Then I thought, he may still be fearless and go after his goals, but it would be in spite of my fears. I decided that I didn’t want to wonder if my son would be fearless or not and I surely didn’t want his fearlessness to be a response to me being too afraid of the disapproval of man to go after God’s best for me. So I have decided to go.
I stopped being afraid of things that have no face and no ability to offer me eternal life. I stopped over planning and underacting. I stopped asking for permission for people whose affirmation was the difference between me staying and shooting small, and going and reaching for the stars. I stopped waiting on things that God never told me to wait on. I stopped using “patience” as an excuse and started seeing it as a tool. I noticed that if I didn’t get the level of approval from people to do something (that I knew I could do) I just wouldn’t do it. No bueno. So by the grace of God, I stopped …well, stopping.
So where are you in life? If you’re like me you will have to make the daily choice to GO, then rely on God to grace you with consistency. Do you feel like there is anything you are waiting on? Is there anything you’re forcing? Are there things that discourage you just at the thought of them? Are there things that excited you that you clutch close to yourself for fear of being hurt or rejected? Your job? Your relationship status? Your age? Your kids? Your home? Your dreams and abilities? Be encouraged. Most of the things that we worry about are finite. While we definitely have uncompromising needs to survive, God is knowledgeable of them all. Even more than being knowledgeable of our needs, God knows exactly how to fill them for His glory and for our betterment. Life is unexpected, and I believe that’s because God, existing outside of the box that we put Him in, sees our entire life and knows how best to Father His children.
Baby Elijah constantly opens my eyes to see God clearer. There are times when he is crying and screaming as I’m making him a bottle. He will be throwing a complete fit, probably thinking that I have no clue that he needs to eat. As my child screams and cries, I’m making provision for him to eat, and be satisfied. I am not only equipped to meet his immediate need of food, but I am mindful of his needs throughout his entire day, and even over the years.
Like children, we are not seasoned to see past what we can touch, understand and imagine. We have reprogrammed ourselves to “scream and cry” instead of trusting that God is not only making provision for today but sees all of our tomorrows as well. Like an infant, when presented with something I didn’t understand, my reaction was fear, which the Lord has graciously traded for gladness and peace.
God can and will do the same thing for you when you ask and submit your heart’s desires to His will. When we trade our finite understanding, for His infinite purpose for us, He will fill us to overflowing as His dreams for us spring to life with fervor and exuberance.
My time at Texas State was the best! I met so many friends that I will have for life, shared adventures and have countless memories! Texas State is where I met my husband, my church family, one of my best friends and most importantly, it’s […]